A Choice That Changed My World

On July 13, 2015 we welcomed Kenna Paige Matayoshi into our family. 

8 days overdue she weighed 9 lbs 4 oz, and 20 1/2 inches long. 

She is beautiful and perfect in every.single.way.

My heart is extremely full these days. When I look into Kenna's beautiful eyes and she stares back at me and smiles, I realize that she is one of the best decisions I have ever made. It's an indescribable feeling I get when I look at her and realize she almost never was. I was never going to have more than 3 kids until I decided I needed another.

After we had Molly we decided we were done having kids. I was very sure about that. Three kids all less than two years apart from each other was a full plate and I was content. Until I wasn't anymore. It was Molly that finally made my decision clear. She begged and begged for a little sister or brother. She mostly wanted a sister but would take either she said. I was worried about a 7 1/2 year age difference but I knew no matter what this little baby would be extremely loved. So when I look at her I frequently marvel at the fact that she was almost never born to us. That we almost never had her in our family. Then I feel such a joy I can't even find words to describe. A joy because she is ours and she is in our family. Life already would never be the same if she hadn't been born to us.

 Except for my sister we didn't tell anyone we were expecting for quite awhile.  I was already 12 weeks along when we told the kids. We told them Christmas Eve and they opened an ornament that announced I was pregnant.  

           The front of the ornament said I was having a baby.

                   The back of the ornament said the due date.

After the kids found out we then told our other family and some friends. We didn't make a general announcement until I was about 22 weeks along and we had our ultrasound.

The day of the ultrasound we took Tanner and Molly with us. McKade wanted to go to school. Tanner had a really hard time excepting a new sibling. He had his fears and anxieties about it but started warming up little by little to the idea. He really wanted a little brother. Someone he could teach football and baseball to, since McKade isn't interested in sports. We felt Tanner might be more excepting of the baby if he came along when we found out the gender. Molly came because she was just so excited. The sonographer was about to detect gender immediately and announced to us we would be having a little girl. I won't lie by saying that it was all terrific after that. We were so thrilled that Molly would get her little sister. I can't imagine life without my sister, and I wished that for Molly. But Tanner became very emotional and angry that he wouldn't have that little brother he wanted so bad. It took a lot to get through the rest of the ultrasound. 

Our ultrasound picture we posted to Facebook.  

My pregnancy was uneventful. Major heartburn and oh my goodness the HOT weather. It was the hottest I can remember it ever being around here. I kept pleading with myself to go into labor just a week early but instead I was induced 8 days after Kenna was due. It was the easiest labor I have experienced minus the post partum hemorrhaging I had after she was born. When Kenna came out the first thing I heard everyone say was "oh she is so beautiful". I saw her and I was instantly in love. She was so beautiful. She was quietly crying but even that sounded beautiful. Everything about Kenna was perfect.

 Being a mom has been my favorite calling in life.

 McKade was so little when Tanner and Molly were born that he didn't really grasp what was going on. So after Kenna was born and McKade laid eyes on his little sister, was probably one of the most tender moments I have experienced while being a mom. He displayed a love for his sister that I never knew imaginable. It was one of pure love. I know they are going to be really close.

 

 Molly finally holding the sister she has dreamed and for years pleaded for. I am so glad God blessed us with a sister for her.

Me and my loves. 

Getting ready to leave the hospital with her whole life ahead of her. I love her sweet innoncence.  I always used to wonder before each child was born if I would love them just as much as the children I already had. I do love each of my kids more than I can possibly express. I love each just as much as the ones before them. 

 I love being a mom. I love the good days, I love even the bad. I am learning day to day. Sometimes I do sit in bed at night and cry because I think and feel like I am doing everything wrong. But sometimes I also find myself sitting in bed at night crying because I feel like things are so perfect and right. I am so blessed that I have four healthy wonderful kids. I am so happy I have Kenna now. I couldn't imagine a world without McKade, Tanner, Molly and Kenna.  They are my world.